What's Duo-Coaching?

When You Want to Matter More to the Guy Than to God

Aug 28, 2021
Many women want to matter more to the guy (spouse, boyfriend, imaginary lover, potential lover) that to God.
When you want to matter more to the guy than to God you are not alone. That's the first point. So take a deep breath and relax if the title of this blog makes you feel anxious.
Second point: there is no judgement here and you won't find judgement throughout this blog. So take another deep breath and keep reading.
If you spend more time trying to please the guy you have, the guy you don't have, or the guy you wish you had, don't feel guilty or ashamed. Feeling guilty or ashamed is not the emotion to nurture.
Third point: the guy is flesh and blood. God isn't. Naturally, we are more connected to someone we can see, touch, and smell than we are to someone we cannot. If you are wearing a sexy dress and want to hear a compliment, you will hear it from the guy before you ever hear it from God. Real or real?
What also is real is when we try very hard to matter to the guy and the guy doesn't even notice. He doesn't compliment you, he doesn't roll his eyes at you, he doesn't take a second look at you. He is oblivious. You don't even matter to him although you want to matter to him...desperately.
What happens when you want to matter to the guy and he ignores you? He ignores your efforts to be seen by him? When you try to matter to or please the guy and your efforts go unnoticed, do you feel:
  • exhausted?
  • crushed?
  • insecure?
  • angry?
  • humiliated?
  • invisible?
  • hurt?
Welcome these feelings as key informants that come to warn you that you are spending you time wanting something temporary when something permanent is available. You may not matter to the guy the way you desire, BUT...
You do matter to God!
God thinks you are fabulous. God thinks that you are worthy of attention, time, compliments, and affection. And, God is the giver of all these things.
Consider Song of Solomon 4:7-10 (ESV) as God's expression of how you matter.
You are altogether beautiful, my love;
there is no flaw in you.
Come with me from Lebanon, my bride;
come with me from Lebanon.
Depart from the peak of Amana,
from the peak of Senir and Hermon,
from the dens of lions,
from the mountains of leopards.
You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!

 You will get frustrated and disappointed when the guy doesn't treat you like you matter when being treated like you matter is all that you want. When the frustration and disappointment come, re-read Song of Solomon out loud to yourself to remind yourself that you matter to God.

You matter to God even if you want to matter more to the guy. God still thinks of you as a most beautiful creation worthy of attention, time, compliments, and affection. 

You matter.
You matter to God.
You always will.

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